Rainbow Unicorns of Doom
by Kage no Hana
Summary: 02. "In case you haven't noticed, my thoughts aren't filled with rainbow unicorns...In fact, they're filled with rainbow unicorns of doom. And right now, those rainbow unicorns of doom are very mad and want to stab you to death." One-shot.


**-+*+-Rainbow Unicorns of Doom-+*+-**

by

**~Kage no Hana~**

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"In case you haven't noticed, my thoughts aren't filled with rainbow unicorns and sad excuses for horses. In fact, they're filled with rainbow unicorns of doom. And right now, those rainbow unicorns of doom are very mad and want to stab you to death with their horns."_

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Hello, nonexistent people that only exist in my mind! I'm bored, are you? Well, if you were listening to Hotori-kun drone on about how we could purify X-eggs faster if la-di-dah happened while filing papers, then you would be bored as well.

Wait, I forgot to tell you why we're still doing Guardian work, didn't I? I thought so. To keep the story short, our psychopathic* headmaster, Tsukasa, got the idea that the middle school needs a student council stuck in his loony mind, so he built a larger replica of the Royal Garden on middle school grounds and found a green and purple version of the Guardian capes. (I know, poor us.)

So, of course, I tuned out our still droning King's chair, and entertained myself by thinking of ways to torture my worst enemy, Fujisaki Nagihiko, who happened to be sitting _**right next to me**_. (You can't really entertain yourself in any way while filing papers except by thinking.)

_Possible Ways to Torture Fujisaki Nagihiko:_

_1) Forcefully force him to wear a dress to school by threatening him with forceful force which I will acquire from some person who enjoys forcefully forcing people_

_2) Murder him with kitchen knives_

_3) Stab him with a comb._

_4) Accidentally "spill" 50__ C tea on him_

_5) Push him down a flight of stairs_

_6) Lock him in a closet until he suffocates_

_7) Dump all of my paperwork on him since he's pretty close to becoming one of those mindless fanboys. (Encore chapter four? What's that? Oh, the time when I pat him on the head? Do I like him? No! It was just manipulation, you idiot!)_

_8) Stab him with bri-_

**-Thud**

-so if we hold counseling sessions…each...day….

-[insert laughing effects here]…

…..

Silence.

"What do you know! It's been an hour already! Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? Well, I need to leave now, bye!" Souma-kun, AKA the Failure Jack, who was now the failure Joker for unknown reasons, said as he stood up, dropped a stack of paper on the table, and left. Daichi followed. (I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to do paperwork.)

"Wait, Souma-kun! You didn't finish your paperwork!" Hotori-kun yelled. When that failed to do anything, he got up and ran. Amu followed him, and her charas followed her after some whining and protesting as usual, and left me with _**him**_. Him being none other than- yup, you guessed it- Fujisaki Nagihiko. (Does this seem like a cliché shojo manga scene to you? Actually, on second thought, does this seem like one of Yaya's evil plots? It _does _seems a bit suspicious if you think about it. Plus, our charas are laughing like crazy, and have been doing that ever since five minutes ago, [Yet they're still not running out of oxygen…] which usually means that Yaya was involved.) If you, imaginary and non-existent people, have not noticed that he's a crossdressing, best friend stealer that I hate for obvious reasons, then you have serious mental problems, and should consult a therapist immediately. So, of course, I glared at him, like any other person with common sense would do. (It's also much more entertaining than doing paperwork.)

"R-Rima-chan…it's kind of hard to do paperwork when you're trying to burn a hole through my back by glaring…so could you please stop?" he (You know who; the person that can only be mentioned with a pronoun because of how annoying he is!) asked.

"No," I replied, "now stop talking or I'll kill you with this knife that was conveniently left here," I threatened, as I reached for the knife.

"Rima-chan, a little girl like you should not be having such violent thoughts. So why don't you start thinking about rainbow unicorns and ponies like the other third graders do?" he said, in his patented I-Know-You-Hate-Me-So-I'll-Just-Make-Fun-of-You-and-Watch-You-Get-Angry-So-I-Can-Laugh-at-You-and-Your-Height voice. Ah, the joys (not) of being short.

"In case you haven't noticed, my thoughts aren't filled with rainbow unicorns and sad excuses for horses. In fact, they're filled with rainbow unicorns of doom. And right now, those rainbow unicorns of doom are very mad and want to stab you to death with their horns." I retorted. Sadly, this did not have any effect on him. In fact, he even smirked. (A note to children everywhere: If you want to effectively threaten someone, make sure you're tall. If that is not possible, then just simply emit evil energy like I do.)

"Really? I think I can change that," he said, with that stupid smirk still plastered onto his stupid face. And without any hesitation, he did the _**unmentionable **_-that stupid little shojo manga action that causes fangirls to squeal and giggle, while it causes people with any shred of common sense to gag, choke, throw up, cringe, and writher in pain. Yes, he _kissed _me.

It was right then and there that I noticed our still-laughing charas (who seemed to be giggling even more, if that is possible), and a giant pair of headphones around the unmentionable _**thing's**_ neck, which conveniently disappeared right after I noticed them.

"Did I just…?" a very shocked, yet still annoying, person who should only be referred to as a pronoun or a common noun, except on special occasions, asked.

"Yup," I replied as I reached for the knife which was conveniently placed on the table. As if on cue, the soon-to-be dead Fujisaki (His death is a special occasion!) ran. Knowing that my stupid little midget legs could never run fast enough to catch him, I attempted to throw (notice the _lack _of the word aim) the knife at him. And because I hadn't taken Knife Hurling 101, or Aiming 101 either, I missed.

"Damn you, Crossdresser," I muttered under my breath, "I will throw that knife and hit you with it-eventually... Eventually... I hope...Maybe..."

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Hello! This is just a short little No-I'm-Not-Dead-I'm-Just-Suffering-From-a-Block-of-Some-Sort Fic. I recently recovered from my writer's block, and received critic's block about a minute after.

So remember, children, if you want to be a good writer, don't choose Kage no Hana as a role model! She'll just teach you the different types of blocks that you can receive, how to procrastinate for two whole entire months, and how to be hated by a fourth of the population. Have an un-educational day! Goodbye!


End file.
